I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize