Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
