is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
