Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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