i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We got so high we made milksteak
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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