who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So apparently I’m into choking now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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