Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
