Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
