i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize