Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
