sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
