i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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