what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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