So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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