you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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