Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
