I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
