I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
