Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
