Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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