DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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