3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm gonna have a badass scar
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
