i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
