You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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