the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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