I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
