This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
