So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I will die if light touches me.
I CAN MOONWALK!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What a dumb baby whore.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
