sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Terrible idea I love it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
