its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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