I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm like, not good at living.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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