I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
