just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
