His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
