I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
