Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
