Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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