So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
