There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's never too late to be topless.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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