i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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