i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
