I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
