I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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