There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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