Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
