when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
