You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize