shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
