I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
