____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
