after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize