Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
