That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
