i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
