I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
