do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
