She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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