i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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