Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
