Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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