What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
