how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
