i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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