Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
