Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
