I've blown a few things in my day
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
