At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize