I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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