Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
