After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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