I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
