ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
