Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
