Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She's the barista slut.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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