and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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