Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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