Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
