ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
