I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
