lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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