What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
