I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
