Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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