He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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