Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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