so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
