There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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