Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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