Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
